You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
