I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
