just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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