I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
