So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
