Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
