Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
