apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
