I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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