the condom got lost in my hair
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
