I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
