Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
