i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
