When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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