I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
