Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize