You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
