Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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