What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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