Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
