So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
