I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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