Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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