I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
