Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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