the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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