don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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