i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
