Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize