Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Help. Why am I so naked?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
