we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
its not stalking. its research.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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