Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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