please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
