even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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