she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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