Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
