I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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