Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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