Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
His hands were made for my vagina.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
