I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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