Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
