Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
