I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
