when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
