Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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