LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
