My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
