I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
