The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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