if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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