you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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