Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
