ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So much rum. So many feels.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
