Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
