dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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