im having a threesome with these popsicles
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Randomize