I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
