I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
