How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
