my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
