dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
