What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
