I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
