So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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