Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize