I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize