Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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