Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish i was in the wii world.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
