You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
