I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
