Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
