yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
