That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
