Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize